I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
