I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
