I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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