the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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