I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
