I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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