she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
