I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
