Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
