You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize