Don't you send me to vm
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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