awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
