you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
