Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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