I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
