i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
