I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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