we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
