I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
