just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
