This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
