Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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