The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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