I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
