I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
