I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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