Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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