I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
