I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
