I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
