I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
