I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize