i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
