when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
