The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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