just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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