She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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