i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
