Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
