i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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