Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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