wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
