but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
