It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
