I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the high leading the old right now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
