Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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