WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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