We're like a lot better than the average bears
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
