this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
