I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
