Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
