now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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