I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
