ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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