tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
