The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
