Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
