I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
