Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
