I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
