u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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