And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
