So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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