Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
