I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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