I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
