They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
