Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God I need to hump something, right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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