listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this boner is exhausting
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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