I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
