At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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