i was born a porn star she said
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
