Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
