are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
