Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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