Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
