i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
