saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
