absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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