i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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