i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
