Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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