Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
