the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
