I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
