Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
