I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
