so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
